By Simone Costa Eriksson
April 16, 2009
As a Brazilian working for the international community, I am very often asked 'why can Brazilians not be trusted?'. In general, when attempting to interpret any cultural behavior, the first and most advisable approach would be to avoid generalization, but what if it happens too often, especially, through the eyes of foreigners? In that case, the safest explanation must be based on well-known intercultural theories: the concepts of contextualization and communication style as well as the cultural meaning of trust.
Nothing better than to start with a real & sincere testimonial from a reader:
I am an American who has been very involved with the Brazilian community in the Boston area for 10 years (my husband is Brazilian, as are many of my friends). I really love the warmth of the Brazilian people, but there is one thing that always makes me sad: when my Brazilian friends make plans with me and then cancel at the last minute (or when so many of them promised to come to our wedding and then didn‘t show up!).
I don‘t understand why they agree to plans if there is a possibility that they won‘t be able to make it; if I make plans with someone, I will turn down all other offers that arise later, because I have already made plans; I will make sure I have already done everything else I need to do that day so I will be available for my friend.
But my friends will often cancel at the last minute with excuses like, "sorry, I have to work," or "sorry, it is my father‘s birthday." If I had to work or it was my father‘s birthday, I wouldn‘t make plans for that day in the first place! This hurts my feelings every time -- it seems that my friends don‘t value or respect my time or my friendship.
What can I do besides stopping to be friends with these people?
K.
This case exemplifies the focus of our discussion as being only and restrictedly referring to social behaviors and circumstances where people could perfectly say 'no, thanks', but deliberately postponed the 'no' answered until the last absolute minute, but still could not say 'no', instead, chose to give an excuse. If you come from typical western societies (North America, North Europe & Australia), you would probably sympathize with our reader and ask 'Why, on earth, couldn't these Brazilian people just say 'no' and avoid hunting her feelings, right?
Wrong. In collectivist cultures, people have a hard time to say 'no', because a 'no' means almost a 'bad word' socially speaking; giving an excuse sounds almost better than to say 'no' (believe it or not!); it is 'too direct' for those people raised to value preserving social relations above all. For the Brazilian ears, if someone is postponing giving an answer, they are probably doing the best they can, not to say a direct 'no', and it might even mean they have tried and considered attending the wedding until the last minute. The intercultural term used here would be direct/indirect communication style.
Another explanation would be: while trying not to say 'no', they have given 'hints' or early justifications which already signed that the answer would be a 'no' (that probably only another Brazilian would have understood). Something contextual, a non-verbal & unspoken message was probably given to suggest that the answer was going to be a 'no'. However, for a Brazilian way of reasoning, unless someone says 'yes' there is no commitment, the fact of being invited does not necessarily mean a commitment. In this case, the intercultural dimension would be low/high context culture.
In case the explanation above seemed too theoretical and unreasonably, a more practical way to deal with this kind of intercultural misunderstandings are:
- All intercultural communications involve unspoken social rules and meanings, so never assume nor interpret someone from another culture based on your own cultural values. In other words, whatever it is obvious in one culture doesn't mean it is obvious in another culture.
- Before making any interpretation, conclusions & judgments in an intercultural situation, you must always confirm and clarify the intentions and values behind it. That is, stop being friends only with those that intentionally mean to disrespect or not value your friendship.
The funniest thing, about this discussing on intercultural differences, was to be told by a foreigner: 'foreigners living in Brazil seem to adopt this same characteristic of cancelling or not showing up (after they have lived here a while). My opinion on this is that there is so much happening here all the time that it is difficult to keep track of all your commitments...' . Or maybe, cultures slowly change the meanings and values of social behaviors!
Readers comments:
Brazilians aren´t the only people who use this tactic for avoiding getting out of invited occasions. Other Latins/Hispanics do the same. After living among them for the past 45 years, I agree, it is a cultural thing, however, it is, especially in this day and time when so many of them are educated in Anglo/Saxon countries, an unsophisticated and immature lack of social graces. It goes along with some sort of mystic intellect of a Brazilian, with tons of money, purchase a multi-million dollar house or apartment overlooking a favela. And that same intellect of ignoring the profound poverty and walking around garbage in the streets, is the same for many cultures... they put value on family and what is behind the wall of their home or condominium, rather than realizing that they are actually part of the WHOLE environnnet. Ever heard of `collective karma`?
-- Robert
Thank for posting this article. I'd be interested to read about how one should handle giving out social invitations in this context. What do Brazilians do when they issue invitations? If they invite people to dinner or a wedding, do they plan for X percent "no shows" and cook or order a smaller quantity? Are they not disappointed when people don't show up or cancel at the last minute?
I know this is not a cultural behavior that's limited to Brazil, and would love to hear how it's handled in-country.
-- Nancy
In my point of view is not only cultural but also upbringing. If I say yes, and I was raised by Brazilian parents is yes, and no is no. if I can't make it I'll say with some time to the other part know and make other plans. And my friends are the same with, of course, some exceptions.
-- Grace
I am late reading the article, but glad it has been discussed. I have some Brazilian friends here in the US. Essentially, I don‘t hang out with them much because of busy work schedules and there are some I no longer want to associate with, for other reasons. Any way, I emailed one of the Brazilians I talk to on occasion. I mentioned about getting together when time permitted. She wrote back and her reply was "Let‘s see if we can get together sometime... maybe with mutual friend for a drink". I wrote back saying to let me know when she was available. I have heard nothing. So, based on this article, could of been her way of telling me "no". For Americans, its hard to fathom because we are used to directness. Either by saying "no" or no answer to email.
-- Jane
Comment in the form of a question: How is it that western societies can coin the term "cultural relativity" yet not understand its meaning? Perhaps, it has to do with the need to engage in polemics. Unfortunately, the polemicist relies on a legitimacy that his adversary is by definition denied.
-- Neil
Simone T. Costa Eriksson, MBA, Psychologist and Intercultural Coach is a Brazilian with 13 years experience living abroad (USA, Sweden, Poland, and Italy), mostly as an expatriate mother of two, and currently living in Campinas. She holds seminars and workshops for HR professionals, expatriate families & children, international schools and Brazilians working abroad. More information can be seen at her website www.interculturalplus.com. She is also an active member of the Campinas Expatriate community.
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